Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
