i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
