You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
