At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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