If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
