She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
