wrigley field is MILF paradise
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
