oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
