Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
