I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
