oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
