let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
