Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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