So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
