I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
