I can tuck mytits in my pants
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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