It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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