I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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