he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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