she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
