I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The struggles of a small town man whore
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
