Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
