they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
