I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
