Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
