Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
