I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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