Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
