It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
