I cockslap morals
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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