My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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