big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
