That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
