He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
this is an emotional support booty call
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
