Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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