remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
