Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
