tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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