Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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