My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
