So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
