Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
