For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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