All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
