3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
