i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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