He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
