is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
