Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
