An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
