Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
