So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
