help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
