Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
