Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
